I haven't put her at unnecessary risk, I assure you. [And he'll definitely be doing his best to continue not doing that, after everything he's seen today.
And that, thinking of that in conjunction with the tunnels — he sees Sealand again. He sees the three of them in the hospital, and him warning Sealand not to run off, holding Sealand's hand as they explore so that he doesn't go outside. He sees Sealand safe, just for that one little thing...
And America stays with them, also heeding Sealand's safety, and doesn't nearly (but he does, at the same time, England sees both outcomes) get consumed by a monster while wandering on his own.
He sees Sealand sitting with him, right now.
His expression, previously blank as the images hit him, becomes pained. Before he thinks better of it, he cautions America.] You'd better be careful, as well.
I'm always careful! [Of course he's not. He can see a world where Joker got the upper hand and killed him somewhere between his eyes and the screen he's watching England on. But he pushes that away, because it didn't happen, it definitely didn't happen!]
[Just the same, England is having some real trouble concealing the worry in his eyes. When he reaches up to try and rub some of the stress from one of his temples, behind his eyelids are flickers of other times he's seen America bending under the weight of their circumstances. But if England had been more supportive — a kind word, an embrace...
He sets his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, hoping it will blank out the hallucinations of intimacy. At least it just looks like unspecified stress on camera.] Just— those bloody tunnels are trouble. I'd prefer to see you in one piece.
[His words are weary. He doesn't really want to fight.]
I will be! [There's a pause, where America remembers all the problems they've had just in Norfinbury and sees all the ways they could have died. The whole idea is terrifying to America, honestly; dying wasn't something he was at all familiar with on a personal level. Getting super hurt was one thing, but dying--] And so will you, so it's all fine.
[After everything he's seen today, England isn't completely confident about that second part. He heaves a sigh and opens his eyes again, though they're still focused elsewhere than the tablet.] You always say that.
Mmn. [That's a very lofty claim, but arguing it would require too much nuance, and England is afraid of what he might see in the process. Even that much thought gives him visions of war; wars they've been in together, wars between them...
Maybe it would have turned out "fine" in the end if England had handled it differently.
He rubs at one of his eyes for no particular reason.] That's no reason not to be careful.
I know. [America huffs a little, but really he doesn't mind the fussing that much. He's used to it by now. He forces himself to bounce back.] But I'll definitely save everyone here in the end, really!
[There's a tinge of confusion in England's eye. Though his mind is obviously still elsewhere for the most part, he finds a mote of wry disbelief to offer.] You think I'm going to be a hero?
I don't think I'm particularly heroic. [Not the way America so often seems to conceptualise "heroes," anyway. When England can see how many ways he could have handled his past conflicts better, he doesn't feel like he deserves such a title.
But he says it with some sarcasm, of course, so that it's hopefully harder to tell whether he's doubting himself or just America's silly ideals.]
Huh? [America glances down at his hands and for a moment sees gloves and doesn't see them at the same time. But, no, he definitely doesn't have them.] Yeah, I haven't found any so far.
Ginger gave me a pair of mittens and a fair amount of yarn. Keep an eye out, but I'll start working on a pair for you in the event that you can't find any before we meet.
[If America doesn't need them, England can always give them to someone else. He says this like it's no big deal, of course.]
[England wishes America hadn't said that. The image of America with frostbitten and necrotic hands is almost immediate.
But we could always hold hands is a suggestion somewhere underneath, and that's almost worse, especially because England doesn't want to see how America might react to a suggestion like that.
England grimaces for more than one reason.] Can't have that, can we? It's lucky for your fingers that you've got me around.
[Now America's imagining it, too--hands frozen or cut off or some awful combination of the two. He wiggles each finger in turn to remind himself they're all still accounted for.] Yeah, this way I don't need to learn sewing!
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And that, thinking of that in conjunction with the tunnels — he sees Sealand again. He sees the three of them in the hospital, and him warning Sealand not to run off, holding Sealand's hand as they explore so that he doesn't go outside. He sees Sealand safe, just for that one little thing...
And America stays with them, also heeding Sealand's safety, and doesn't nearly (but he does, at the same time, England sees both outcomes) get consumed by a monster while wandering on his own.
He sees Sealand sitting with him, right now.
His expression, previously blank as the images hit him, becomes pained. Before he thinks better of it, he cautions America.] You'd better be careful, as well.
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[He can already see America freezing to death in the long, dark stretches of the tunnels or tripping and being skewered on an ice spire. Literally.]
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He sets his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, hoping it will blank out the hallucinations of intimacy. At least it just looks like unspecified stress on camera.] Just— those bloody tunnels are trouble. I'd prefer to see you in one piece.
[His words are weary. He doesn't really want to fight.]
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Maybe it would have turned out "fine" in the end if England had handled it differently.
He rubs at one of his eyes for no particular reason.] That's no reason not to be careful.
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But he says it with some sarcasm, of course, so that it's hopefully harder to tell whether he's doubting himself or just America's silly ideals.]
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He clears his throat and transparently pretends not to be bothered.] Well. Thank you, I suppose.
Which reminds me — while we're on the topic of "good stuff" — are you still missing proper gloves?
[Yes England is trying to change the subject don't look at him.]
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[If America doesn't need them, England can always give them to someone else. He says this like it's no big deal, of course.]
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But we could always hold hands is a suggestion somewhere underneath, and that's almost worse, especially because England doesn't want to see how America might react to a suggestion like that.
England grimaces for more than one reason.] Can't have that, can we? It's lucky for your fingers that you've got me around.
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[Of course, that's a bluff. They both know that England will, regardless. But he's serious about not taking him for granted!]
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